You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
