i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
