So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
