Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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