got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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