11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
