no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
