I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
