so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
