They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
