It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
