when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
