Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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