recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
