At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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