Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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