HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
