You're my little dorito
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
