A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
