glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
