I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
