One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
