Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
