didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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