My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
