Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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