I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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