Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
