I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
