Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize