your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
