i permit you to call me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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