It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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