Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
