get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
