I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize