hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
