I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
