We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
