Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
