Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
