just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
