Umm I'm too high to move.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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