You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
