Whatcha textin bout Willis?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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