dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
