Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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