Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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