do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
