why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
