I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did I show you my penis last night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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