Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
