Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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