He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
