Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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