I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
