Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
