cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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