my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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