What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have fence marks all over my body
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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