i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
