Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
