I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
