Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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