I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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