now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
