I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
