if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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