I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
