dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
God I need to hump something, right now.
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