after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
