i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
