the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
