He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
